…that my son wasn’t using drugs. His drug usage has created so much turmoil in so many lives. As his mother, I wish I could make him stop using. But I know that I cannot make that happen, I can only guide him. Over the last few years, this issue has become a big factor in my life and I don’t know how to make it stop.
I try not to make his drug use about me, because it really isn’t about me – but, boy does it affect me. I don’t think he really realizes how much he worries me and how concerned I am about him. His actions, past and present, have taken a HUGE tole on me through the years and I am totally worn out. I HATE thinking this way, but I am so ready to just “throw in the towel” and just cut him out of my life. But I can’t do that – I’m his mother and I love him so much. He doesn’t have much of a support system – it’s been me for a long time now because there are so many people who don’t want much to do with him any more, family included.
My son is a good kid with a good heart and would do anything for anyone, he just has a problem – drugs. He chooses to use instead of getting a job or being with family – this hurts me…a LOT. I didn’t raise him to be a drug user, he didn’t even see drug or even alcohol usage while he was growing up. Thankfully, my other two children don’t use drugs and I’m not saying that to be a comparison, it’s just a fact.
My wish for my son is for him to get and stay clean, for him to follow his dreams – whatever that may be, for him to one day fall in love and have a family if he chooses.
His drug of choice right now is Heroin – this scares me beyond words, as he has already OD’d more than once – even requiring the use of Narcan by paramedics last year. I know the reality of what can happen with the Heroin usage, I’m very well aware.
My BIGGEST fear is that I will soon be burying my son and I don’t know how I will get through that – or even if I will.
I wish…..for peace.