My 24 year old son is a drug addict, has been for several years now. Started out with pills, then to coke, crack, now its heroin and meth. He’s so open with me, he tells me almost everything that’s going on in his life. Including the times that he has overdosed and needed the use of Narcan, which he most recently needed last month. A total of four doses were used to revive him in one episode.
He also told me last month that he is now dealing/selling, apparently being one of the bigger dealers in the area. This scares me beyond belief, as I am very aware of the possibilities of what could go wrong.
Last week, I found out that he has been screwing his suppliers out of money. To the tune of thousands of dollars. Because of this, there is now a “hit” out for him. I’m not sure what the details are for this hit…whether it’s just to “mess him up” by beating the crap out of him, or if it’s more than that. I’m almost willing to bet there will be more to it.
I never thought it was possible to worry more about him than I already have been. Well, I was wrong. Now that I have this information, I’m more worried than ever, so fearful that I am going to have a knock on the door or get a phone call with someone telling me he’s dead. Since finding this out I have barely slept, so many thoughts going through my head all night.
I just want to scoop him up and take him to rehab. But I’m not delusional in thinking that forcing him into rehab would work. I know he has to be ready in order for it to work, but that doesn’t mean I can’t wish. I have cried so many tears over the years, way more than a Mother should ever have to. But this weekend has been full of tears, I can’t stop them from flowing. I just don’t know how I will be able to get through it if I have to bury him. But this has become an extremely real possibility now, more than it was before.
I never thought I would be a Mother of an addict.