Posted in Suicide, Daughter, Thoughts, Family, Mental Health

Suicide

Suicide is such a touchy subject and one that needs to be discussed more openly, it’s such a prevalent thing in our society, unfortunately.

This week has been such a whirlwind – my beautiful 22 year-old daughter attempted suicide, I’m just heartbroken that things came to this. This happened Tuesday afternoon after she and I had a hard discussion. Because of some of what she said to me and the fact that she stopped responding to me, I went to see her. While there with her, we came up with a plan for me to help her by taking her to a hospital for a psych evaluation. This was to take place after she was to attend an already scheduled meeting; I wanted to stay with her until that meeting was over and then go to the hospital from there. I promised her that I would stay with her during the entire process. But she convinced me to leave and I felt kind of okay with leaving only because her boyfriend was there with her at the time.

When I left I went to a friend’s house for a little bit. While I was getting ready to leave to meet my daughter, I received a phone call telling me she had been taken by ambulance to the local hospital because of an intentional overdose. Long story short, she is a very lucky girl right now. She had some liver damage in the early stages of this, but the numbers have since returned to normal….so very lucky and I’m not convinced that she fully realizes this. I just don’t know.

So many things going on in that girl’s mind of late, I knew she has needed help for some time. I’ve been trying to convince her for weeks to seek help and she’s been very resistant to it. Now, after this episode, she seems to be more receptive to it…I really hope she is. There are so many things she needs to work through and try to come to some sort of resolution, not the least of which is the emotional damage her biological mother has done to her.

When her bio mother, aka the “egg donor”, finally made the decision to abandon her at 4 years old, it was a true blessing for all involved. There were no more ER trips because of things that were happening to her at the hands of the one who birthed her. There were no more car accidents, there were no more dietary issues, there were no more reports that needed to be made to DCYF, there was just no more bad stuff going on. Such a blessing for my daughter and I call her my daughter because that’s what she is – in every sense – including legally, except biologically. I was finally able to adopt her when she was 5 1/2, what a great day that was!!

In recent years, she tracked down her egg donor and has had a lot of interaction with her – but none of it was good. None of it was healthy for my daughter, the ignorant bitch played so many head games with my daughter over the last few years – she has hurt her in so many ways, so many times. She has never valued or even wanted her own daughter – NEVER, right from the time she was born – she only thought of that girl as a burden. She has treated her horribly and I have watched this for way too long and now my daughter has tried taking her life – mainly because of this stupid, ignorant woman.

Recently, my daughter’s egg donor told her she wanted nothing more to do with her own flesh and blood. This was such a blow to her and even though she tried blowing it off, I know this hurt her a great deal. But she wouldn’t talk about it further than that. She just kept saying she was glad she didn’t have contact with her now.

This just gets worse, this absolutely horrible, despicable person that likes to call herself “mom” found out that my daughter had attempted suicide and was in the hospital. She was able to send my daughter, once again – her own flesh and blood, a message that I still have a hard time that she actually sent. She told MY daughter that she wished she hadn’t survived this. I just cannot imagine how this has made this beautiful, but troubled young woman feel…I just cannot fathom saying such a thing to any of my children. I just don’t get how one can feel such hatred towards their own child.

I am not a violent person by any means, but if I were to see the “egg donor” right now, I would end up in jail for seriously hurting this woman. I know it’s not right to have these kinds of thoughts, but I have watched MY daughter go through so much hell, over so many years at the hands of this evil, vile woman. There are so many things I want to say and do, but saying or doing anything will do nothing but cause so much drama. And that’s just not needed right now. But I do wish…..

Again, I know that suicide is a touchy subject – but it really does need to be talked about so much more than it is.

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Author:

I am a woman who is trying to make the best of life, the only way I know how. My family is very important to me and I like to think that I'm always there for them. My children, ages 31, 24, and 22 are awesome kids. I also have two beautiful baby granddaughters, with them - my life is complete. We have our issues, of course, like anyone else - but we manage to get through them somehow.

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