I’m so hoping that life with look up soon – I’m tired, I’m drained, I’m so depressed that I can’t even get out of my own way these days. The medication I’m currently on doesn’t seem to be helping, thankfully I see the psychiatrist tomorrow and we will address it then.
I really don’t understand why life has been so difficult for me – for my entire life, things have been hard. To say the least. But I guess I can say that all that I’ve gone through has made me the person I am today. Strong (so I’ve been told, not really sure I believe that) has always been a word that’s been used to describe me. I don’t know about that – but that’s what people see when they see me. I’m just plodding through each and every day, because, what other choice do I have? If I give up, then I give up on everything and everyone. And believe me when I say – I truly do want to give up! I have thought about doing this soooo many times in recent months – packing up my car with the essentials, selling off everything else, fill the gas tank, and then just take off to who knows where, not tell anyone where I’m going – or even when I get there (wherever that may be) don’t tell anyone anything. Just leave, don’t look back, and do not return. The only reason I haven’t done it is because of my 2 beautiful granddaughters….I love them to pieces and would miss them like crazy if I were to leave.
Hope – it’s something that I’ve thought about and still have in my mind. But, I don’t know if the things I’m hoping will happen, will ever really happen. I actually took a moment just now to look up the meaning of Hope…this is what I found:
Definition of hope
hope against hope
: to hope without any basis for expecting fulfillment
I guess the last piece of that definition is what I’m facing now. Interesting…..