Posted in Emotions, Hope

Hoping…

I’m so hoping that life with look up soon – I’m tired, I’m drained, I’m so depressed that I can’t even get out of my own way these days. The medication I’m currently on doesn’t seem to be helping, thankfully I see the psychiatrist tomorrow and we will address it then.

I really don’t understand why life has been so difficult for me – for my entire life, things have been hard. To say the least. But I guess I can say that all that I’ve gone through has made me the person I am today. Strong (so I’ve been told, not really sure I believe that) has always been a word that’s been used to describe me. I don’t know about that – but that’s what people see when they see me. I’m just plodding through each and every day, because, what other choice do I have? If I give up, then I give up on everything and everyone. And believe me when I say – I truly do want to give up! I have thought about doing this soooo many times in recent months – packing up my car with the essentials, selling off everything else, fill the gas tank, and then just take off to who knows where, not tell anyone where I’m going – or even when I get there (wherever that may be) don’t tell anyone anything. Just leave, don’t look back, and do not return. The only reason I haven’t done it is because of my 2 beautiful granddaughters….I love them to pieces and would miss them like crazy if I were to leave.

Hope – it’s something that I’ve thought about and still have in my mind. But, I don’t know if the things I’m hoping will happen, will ever really happen. I actually took a moment just now to look up the meaning of Hope…this is what I found:

Definition of hope

hoped

hoping

  1. intransitive verb
  2. 1:  to cherish a desire with anticipation <hopes for a promotion>

  3. 2archaic :  trust

  4. transitive verb
  5. 1:  to desire with expectation of obtainment

  6. 2:  to expect with confidence :  trust

hoper

noun

hope against hope

  1. :  to hope without any basis for expecting fulfillment

I guess the last piece of that definition is what I’m facing now. Interesting…..

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Author:

I am a woman who is trying to make the best of life, the only way I know how. My family is very important to me and I like to think that I'm always there for them. My children, ages 31, 24, and 22 are awesome kids. I also have two beautiful baby granddaughters, with them - my life is complete. We have our issues, of course, like anyone else - but we manage to get through them somehow.

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