It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything about my children. I just don’t even know what to say any more. – I just feel empty these days, like it’s just not worth anything.
Currently my son is in jail on a few charges – possession, selling, driving with no license, disobeying a police officer, and missed a couple of court dates. Until last week, he had not written or called me from jail. But I did receive a letter from him last week. He’s angry at me for a couple of things, but I truly believe he’s angry at himself. Or – that’s what I want to believe. I don’t know any more. I have no idea how long he will be in jail, neither does he right now. He hasn’t gone to court for everything yet.
My daughter is 26 weeks pregnant and continues to use on occasion, which really pisses me off. Not only is she endangering herself, but her unborn baby!!! I’m so scared for that baby, I just hope and pray he will be okay, but the reality is that he may have issues. We just have to wait and see. She blames others for her using – the people who offer it to her, those who won’t stop her, etc. I’m like REALLY??? You’re the one making that choice to use, not anyone else. But she likes to blame others for all that’s ever gone wrong in her life.
I am so done with all of this, just plain done. I’m tired of the blame game, I’m tired of seeing my son’s mugshot all over the place, I’m tired of people informing me of what he’s doing (like I don’t already know), I’m just tired. Maybe I’m wrong for feeling this way, I don’t know, all I know is that’s how I’m feeling. Angry, frustrated, fed up, wishing I could just push them away and not have anything else to do with them (but, I just can’t do that). I know I’m not alone with these thoughts and feelings, but I’m just at a point that I feel like I’m done with everything and I want it all to end. I just don’t know how much more I can deal with.