Oh boy, have I ever set myself up for a release of emotions! And I’m not sure I’m liking what I’m feeling these days.
After having started volunteering at the local food pantry a few months ago, the pantry director and I have become good friends. She is also a Pastor. I don’t know why this woman has entered my life, but she is there. Other than a couple of weddings and funerals, I have not stepped foot in a church in approximately 40 years, until this past fall. For some time now, I have felt that I need “something” in my life to help me get through life’s trials and tribulations. So I started attending her church about 3-4 months ago – it was kind of funny when I went, because I made the comment that the church would blow up because I was in it. Needless to say, nothing blew up. 😉
God, and religion of any sort, have not been a part of my life since I was about 12-13 years old, when I basically “denounced” God. Given all the horrors that happened during my childhood, I gave up on God – thinking that I was being punished by Him for some unknown reason. I also had the thought of “If there is a God, why is He allowing these things to happen to me?” So, I just pushed it all out of my life – wanting nothing to do with it in any way. Until now.
Well, now that this woman, a Pastor, is in my life and I’m actually attending her church – I’m beginning to feel some feelings and emotions that have long been buried. And again, I’m not sure I’m liking it. But, I think I’m at a point in my life that I need for this to happen and that’s because of all that my family is going through these days (and has been for some time now). I just feel like I need a little extra help with getting through everything.
So, I’m learning a lot about God and Jesus. Today during church, the Pastor announced that she is starting a new ministry that the church is spearheading. She then announced that I’m in charge of this ministry – this is news to me!! I’m actually excited about this as it allows my creative side to come out AND I get to help children! But after she announced this, she had all of us stand up and then had everyone place a hand on me and pray/bless this ministry. I got very emotional, still am actually. I’m not sure I can even really explain what I’m feeling, except maybe love? acceptance? Hmmmm…..I’m just really not sure yet.