Posted in Daily post - One-Word Prompt, Emotions, Old Wounds

Daily Post = One-Word Prompt

Criticize

Oh, how I dislike the word “Criticize” – it’s such a negative thing.

I do not like being criticized nor do I like criticizing people. Finding fault with people just is not what I want to do. Everyone has faults, that’s just part of life – no one is perfect and that’s the beauty of life. People’s imperfections do not give us the right to criticize – discussing is one thing, but outright criticizing just isn’t acceptable – at least to me it isn’t. 

My mother criticized me my entire life, right up until she died. It was horrible never being able to live up to her standards, which were exceptionally high when it came to me. I never really fully understood her need to do this to me. Maybe it’s because of her that I hate criticizing people; I know there have been times that I’ve caught myself doing it and then I really beat myself up for it. I’m not perfect by any means, but I do try very hard not to do to others what was done to me.

Why do so many people feel the need to criticize, to cut others down, to make fun of, to judge, etc.? Is it because of our own fear of failing? Is it because we don’t understand? Is it because of our own pain that we do this?

Wouldn’t it be better to help others grow by being constructive in their lives, rather than be destructive?

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Posted in Emotions, Old Wounds

Old Wounds

Wow! I’m sitting here crying like a damn baby and this was just so unexpected at 9:15 in the morning. I saw a post a friend had made on Facebook and it triggered me to look up a particular classical piece on YouTube…..Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture. I had not listened to this piece in probably 20 years – at least. As I’m listening to it, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed – I thought it was just because I find this piece to be so powerful and beautiful. But as the last cannon went off, I started bawling my eyes out – with no warning and not being able to stop it from happening.

As I’m crying I’m feeling some very old feelings – ones that I’m not liking even a little bit. Unfortunately, I’m remembering how I felt as a kid being made to listen to classical music by my father. Of course, there were times that he made me listen to this type of music (which, at the time, I had little to no interest in) while he was abusing me – both verbally and sexually. Obviously, I had forgotten the ties to this piece when I searched for it on YouTube.

The 1812 Overture obviously has meaning to me – even though some of it had been forgotten. I do actually like this piece, as well as many other classical pieces. But now I’m a bit more hesitant about looking them up and listening to them – I’m just not sure yet how I feel about maybe forcing myself to listen and feel some of those unwanted feelings. Will it help me to force myself to listen to them? By doing that, will it help to resolve old wounds and feelings? I don’t know the answer to that yet, but it’s worth thinking about.